The Poo Diet

(Excerpted from Harlem Meets Mayberry)

Poo Pie doesn’t sound very good, does it?  In fact, it sounds suspicious. As younger folks might put it, Poo Pie sounds just a bit sketchy.  Yet Jesus, with his knack for turning things upside down, has a recipe for Poo Pie that will knock your socks off.  In fact, the way Jesus makes Poo Pie, it’s one of the most delicious and nutritious of all spiritual foods.

A Poo Pie per day can literally keep racial dissonance away.  Let’s watch Jesus as he uses Poo Pie to fuel his confidence, which in turn fuels his all-inclusive love, which in turn is a key to winning the War on RD.

Jesus knew that he came from God and was returning to God (Jn. 13:3).  He knew that heaven was his place of origin (his P.O.O.), and he also knew that heaven was his place in eternity (his P.I.E.).  This knowledge, this Poo Pie, was Jesus’ secret power food.  When Jesus said, “I have food to eat that you know nothing about (Jn. 4:32),” Poo Pie may well have been one of the items on the menu in his mind.

Similarly, our place of origin is heaven and our place in eternity–if we choose it–is heaven.  This is what it means to be born again.  Jesus explains this by saying, “Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the spirit give birth to spirit (Jn. 3:6).”  Our spiritual place of origin–our re-birth through Jesus–is heaven, and our place in eternity–again through Jesus–is heaven.  Thus we have access to the same Poo Pie recipe that gave Jesus confidence and dictated all that he thought, said and did!

When we know where we come from and keep in mind where we are going, we “metabolize” our place of origin and our place in eternity.  We live and flourish on the Poo Pie diet!

Like any diet, the Poo Pie diet takes a little practice and a little getting used to, but it’s not all that tough.  Making the Poo Pie diet a part of our lifestyle allows us to achieve the inclusive perfection Jesus calls for, and it takes just a few simple steps:

  • Every time you are about to exit a safe and solitary place such as your home or car, take just a moment for a “lightning prayer.” Declare to God your intention to love every last person you meet.  That prayer might go something like, “OK, Lord, here I go!  I love you and I know you love me.  Now help me love the world!”
  • Establish a streak of all-inclusive love by noting the time it starts and the time it ends. Then hit the re-set button and try for a longer streak.  For example, let’s say you leave the house at 7:00 and at 7:03 you lose it and shout at a fellow motorist, “Burn in hell, you tailgating waste of oxygen!”  Your streak lasted three minutes.  Congratulations, that’s a start.  Now hit the re-set button and try to beat three minutes.
  • Make difficult people your “prayer triggers.” When you encounter a difficult person, take a moment for a slice of Poo Pie.  Think about where you came from and where you’re going.  Then use that person as a prayer trigger and fire off a shot something like this:

“Lord, I don’t know how you do it.  How can you possibly love that guy?  I mean, he’s sooo (fill in defect du jour).  What?  You’ve numbered every hair on that guy’s head?  But he’s sooo (fill in another defect).  Really?  You want him to prosper and be happy?  You have an affectionate nickname for him?  OK, if you say so.  But you gotta help me, because I’m not feeling it!  In Jesus’ name.”

More than just about any other spiritual food, Poo Pie has worked its way down into my bones and changed who I am.  It’s transformed me from a basket case of insecurity into a guy who’s relatively comfy in his own skin.  It’s turned me from a competitive jerk into a cooperative partner and from a conflict-seeker (you talkin’ to me?) into a conciliator (let’s talk it out).  Poo Pie has lengthened my fuse, lowered my blood pressure and deflated the bulging veins of anger that used to pop out of my forehead at the slightest offense.  People who know me only from a distance say I’m still wound up pretty tight, but those folks have no idea what a Tasmanian Devil I was before I got on massive daily portions of Poo Pie.  Poo Pie works for me and it will work for you because the recipe comes straight from God.

One final thought:  Most folks would rather be liked up close than “loved” from a safe distance.  If you go on this diet you’ll soon find that you’re not allowed to use that old line, “I love you but I don’t like you.”  Poo Pie dieters not only have to love everybody; they also have to like everybody.  That is simply the price of perfection as God defines it. Bon appetit!

Red Racial Nugget #5:  “I have food to eat that you know nothing about (Jn. 4:32).”

Be street smart yet harmless.  Peace.











Tommy Libre

Thomas P. Scribbins, a.k.a. Tommy Libré, is an inspirational writer and businessman living in what Mayberry calls “Hotlanta” and Harlem calls “The A.T.L.” A former engineer and roofing contractor who has worked his way down the ladder, he is married to Kathy—his “Trophy Babe” for the past 37 years—and has three grown sons. Harlem Meets Mayberry will be published around Christmas by Xulon Press. After that, Tommy will turn some of his attention to his next book—“Code Red Christianity”—and some to his lifetime dream, which is to open a substance-conquest ministry called Ugly Orphans. At Ugly Orphans, the cool softball T-shirts will be just the beginning of the fun. WooHoo!